“And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons: My son, do not take the Lord’s discipline lightly or lose heart when you are reproved by him, for the Lord disciplines the one he loves and punishes every son he receives. Endure suffering as discipline: God is dealing with you as sons. For what son is there that a father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline — which all receive  — then you are illegitimate children and not sons.” Hebrews 12:5-8 CSB https://bible.com/bible/1713/heb.12.5-8.CSB

I am being disciplined. This is good, for it proves my sonship and reminds me of God’s commitment to me to form into the image of His firstborn Son. Yet it is not good; it is both painful for me and those I affect. How did I get here? Bad choices, misunderstanding of others, lack of specificity in communication, assumptions made, expectations presumed, harsh words spoken, vengeful actions taken. This consortium of sin in my life leads me to discipline from the Lord, Who has allowed me to make the choices I have made, allowed others to make their choices, and allowed the fall-out of those choices despite their painfulness, all to draw everyone to Him for reconciliation, restoration, and sanctification. I do want to be holy. I do want to be like Jesus. I wish it were a matter of exercise rather than pruning and removing the dross in my life. Jesus learned obedience from what He suffered. He never suffered for doing wrong, for He never did wrong, but He suffered from those doing wrong to Him. I suffer for my wrong and the wrong response of others, causing tension and brokenness in the relationships I love. The solution is reconciliation with God and man, endurance to keep seeking to do what is good and right in God’s eyes and to my fellow man. Discipline must come if I am to be changed, so I pray to learn quickly, to stay with Jesus, and to be at peace with men so that I can move through the process as quickly as possible. And I pray to obey better, love better, and die more to self next time.